SoCo Kitten

This is for you, Smelly.

2007-10-11T16:07:00.000-05:00

About three years ago I ended a very destructive relationship with a man I had been with for about four years. I also lost my brother. I also quit doing drugs. All in the matter of three days. Yep, I'm tough. Tougher than I ever thought I could be.

Now, three years later (which seem to have simply flown by), I am healthy and happy. I have a wonderful man in my life whose love knows no end. He makes me laugh and smile constantly. But most of all, he makes me feel safe. Safer than anyone, in the history of anyones, has ever made me feel. I never wonder if his car will be in the driveway at 3 am. It just is. I never wonder how long it will last. True love isn't started under false pretenses, getting knocked up and failing at a business together. You should never have to fight for true love. And I don't.

My past has been filled with bad mistakes, sometimes followed by even worse ones. My present is the fairy tale dream I thought could only happen to other people. I never blog about my relationship because I feel perfection doesn't need to be advertised in order to convince myself of happiness.

So, what do I have besides bartools in my life? I have a seventeen year old daughter who isn't pregnant and won't be at the age of 19 either...I have true, untarnished love from a man who is so close to perfect...and I have given the worst part of my past away to someone else.

But I didn't need to write this in a blog for me. I wrote this for her.

Immunity to Tragedy

2007-04-17T07:21:00.000-05:00

I must change the channel. I hate news broadcasts. All I have to say is "Virgina Tech" and my head is instantly filled with pictures of police cars, flashing lights, yellow tape and a soundtrack of gun shots to accompany a shakey cell phone video. Two days ago, my same little brain carried thoughts of a magnificent campus with amazing architecture and beautiful lawns with just the perfect number of students placed perfectly but randomly across the yard. Damn the news.

Some kind of "grief management" dude was being interviewed on the Today Show. He stated "No one is immune to tragedy". Sure did make a lot of sense to me. So now, in addition to putting sweet girl behind the wheel of a car on the big, open road...I get to pay to send her to a possible shooting range, if I watch the news.

I have always tried to not waste effort trying to understand the incomprehensible. I don't want to know what this crazy shooter was thinking. Understanding won't be necessary.

Magnolia Field at UT Arboretum

2007-03-26T08:48:00.000-05:00

I love Spring!!

Ohana means "Family"

2007-02-27T08:06:00.000-05:00

Meet Mr. Bob. He is amazing.

Bob & Melissah FINALLY got married this weekend! February 24, 2007. I'll post beautiful wedding pictures later. This post is not about the wedding. This post is about Bob.

When I first met Bob, I instantly approved of Melissah's newfound relationship. We began our friendship with dinners, weekend visits to Asheville, early morning trips to the airport, and most recently tracking across the Magic Kingdom with a shitload of people (most of whom were wearing mouse ears).

Some more history for you....Bob married my Sister-in-Law, Eddie's widow. This is an example of how life changes, whether you want it to, or not...And how change can be okay.

I miss my brother every day. I did have quite a few "blue" moments this past weekend. But something weird happened, too. It felt like a little bit of sadness went away after the wedding. I'm sure it could have been all the vodka at the reception...The feeling just kind of hit all at once. I know Melissah loves the memory of my brother. I know she loves Bob. A part of my sadness was replaced with a big chunk of happiness this weekend.

Our Ohana (refer to subject line) spent some time talking about some craziness. The seasons of our life, so to speak. I added new memories to old ones. And that is a sweet thing that life offers you, sometimes in the strangest ways.

Bob & Missy

2007-02-27T08:03:00.000-05:00

Breakfast brunch, Yacht Club, Epcot Resorts

The Newlyweds.....

Yacht Club, Epcot Resort

2007-02-26T23:23:00.000-05:00

Yacht Club, Epcot Resort
Originally uploaded by tink927.

On top of Hurricane Hannah's.

Cinderella Castle, Magic Kingdom

2007-02-26T23:21:00.000-05:00

Cinderella Castle, Magic Kingdom
Originally uploaded by tink927.

China Street Vendors, Epcot

2007-02-26T23:17:00.000-05:00

China Street Vendors, Epcot
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Jill, Kaylea, & Mabel

2007-02-04T13:20:00.000-05:00

Jill, Kaylea, & Mabel
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Missy got a new puppy. She says Mabel is a terrorist. I think she is lying. There is no way something so damn adorable could ever be mean...

Parker with the bedhead

2007-02-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

Parker with the bedhead
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Parker's been letting his hair grow...no haircuts since October. He calls it his winter coat. Most days, he simply looks like a Fall Out Boy/Tony Hawk type rock star, last night however, it looked like he had combed his hair with a cat!

Christians

2007-01-10T12:20:00.000-05:00

According to dictionary.com, the definition of a christian is as follows:

1. of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings: a Christian faith.
2. of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ
3. of or pertaining to Christians: many Christian deaths in the Crusades.
4. exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ; Christlike
5. decent; respectable
6. human; not brutal; humane–noun
7. a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity.
8. a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ

Although my discovery is not a recent one, it has recently been confirmed that a Christian who is very dear to me, chooses to live their life much differently than the above definition.
I chose many years ago to basically boycott all organized religions. I do believe in a higher power and I do pray. I spent most of my childhood, growing up in a Baptist church. I often blame that upbringing for my jaded view of Christians. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying all Christians are bad. (Just most of them.)

I believe my God will judge me. I believe followers of God may judge me, but in doing so, that same act, according to Christianity, puts them further from their God.

There's an old saying, "The proof is in the pudding". It has been proven to me, time and again, the Christians in this world are the most dishonest, un-God-like folks I know. I have read the Christian bible and I have yet to find anything written saying, "Once you take me into your heart, you must to my job on earth. You must judge everyone and you must think you are perfect."

The higher power I choose, is only caring, not two-faced or vendicative. That higher power is always forgiving and peaceful. I choose to live my life according to how I want to be treated. Living this way, I have surrounded myself with genuine people who know how to love. And I have weeded out, well...the weeds....

Shocker

2006-12-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

Shocker
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Nuff said...

Christmas time is here....

2006-12-04T10:39:00.000-05:00

starbucks
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Saturday morning was the big Oak Ridge Christmas Parade. I look forward to this each year. In the past 6 years, it's become kind of a tradition with the folks. My mom loves coming to the parades and she gets to see a lot of people from "town." Mom found a penny in the street while she was picking up tootsie rolls for Parker. She brought it to me with a big tear in her eye. She said Eddie was watching the parade with us. Knowing Eddie, I really doubt it, but it sure made her feel all warm and fuzzy. Eddie would've been cussing and wondering what the hell he was doing in Oak Ridge when it's 30 degrees outside.

We froze our asses off, but it was worth it. There were llamas on leashes again this year (the main reason we go).

After the parade, Vicki and I went to Starbucks. The Cafe Americano just tastes better in the red cups.

Me & Andre

2006-12-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

Me & Andre
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I love my kitty! He is a snuggle bunny. We put up the Christmas tree over the weekend. That sure was an interesting event. Andre climbed right up the middle and stretched across the branches. After a night out on Saturday, we came home very late. I was pleasantly surprised to see the tree still standing, but a little worse for the wear. Andre completely flattened out one side of the tree. It will be an interesting Christmas.

The Jimi Hendrix Monterey Fender Strat

2006-12-01T00:18:00.000-05:00

The Jimi Hendrix Monterey Fender Strat
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I've been thinking lately about my blogspot. Maybe I should just go ahead and dedicate this whole damn blogspot to my late brother, since I seem to blog more about him, than anything else.

You see, Monday was his birthday. It was also Jimi's birthday. Eddie loved the fact they shared the same birthdate. This year, the day went unmentioned. It wasn't the big elephant in the room I thought it might be. Lil' llama has been under the typical teenage angst (again, I know), Mom's been crying since Thanksgiving, but it's been mostly "happy" tears (if that makes any sense), so I thought it best just to leave it be.

I know Eddie can't read this blog, no more than Jesus gets emails, but just the mere act of posting this picture makes me feel a little closer to him.

The guitar in the picture was produced by Fender. John Mayer, one of my favorite guitarists has it posted on his blog. Just for the record, John is awesome, but he's just one on a list of my three favorites and he's actually third on my list. Of course Jimi takes first place, followed by the great (and personal friend) Chris Smallcomb.

If you know what it's like to loose someone you love, you are just beginning to understand how I feel about my loss. My brother and I had not spoken for quite a while when suddenly passed away. My last words to him were vicious and unkind, as were his to me. I have spent many moments wondering if he has forgiven me, or if our actions toward each other are just a demon I will live with for the rest of my life. I have no doubt that damn demon will be there forever.

Eddie's widow, whom I was equally nasty to, has become a best friend to me. I would trade my own life just to be able to give him back to her. As severe as my loss was, her's was the greatest. So Miss, this blog's for you, sweet girl.

And just in case EB's got wifi...rock out, smoke out, drink a corona and kiss that black dog for me.

PS. For the nosey bitch in Clarksville who found my blogspot....don't you have some diapers to change or some drinks to serve, or better yet, a worthless husband to bail out?

The Art of War

2006-11-24T08:49:00.000-05:00

The Art of War
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I ran across a blog today. I have copied it below:

Recently Marines in Iraq wrote to Starbucks because they wanted to let them know how much they liked their coffees and to request that they send some of it to the troops there.

Starbucks replied, telling the Marines thank you for their support of their business, but that Starbucks does not support the war, nor anyone in it, and that they would not send the troops their brand of coffee.

So as not to offend Starbucks, maybe we should not support them by buying any of their products!

As a war vet writing to fellow patriots, I feel we should get this out in the open. I know this war might not be very popular with some folks, but that doesn't mean we don't support the boys on the ground fighting street-to-street and house-to-house for what they and I believe is right.

If you feel the same as I do then pass this along, or you can discard it and no one will never know.

Thanks very much for your support. I know you'll all be there again when I deploy once more.

"Semper Fidelis."
Sgt Howard C. Wright
1st Force Recon Co
1st Plt PLT

PLEASE DON'T DELETE THIS, ALLOW IT TO BE PASSED TO ALL IN MEMORY OF ALL THE TROOPS WHO HAVE DIED SO THAT WE MAY HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE TO SUPPORT THEM OR NOT!!!

Okay, now my meaningless opinion:

I understand the troops are doing a job that most folks just couldn't handle. In fact, I don't think the families of these troops handle these same marines to well when they come back home.

What gets me is the last paragraph (in all caps) . "...so that we may have the right to choose to support...." Isn't this Sargent bitchin' and whinin' about someone/some company not supporting them. Can I puke now?

I work in the medical industry. The company I work for makes an instrument that could and does save lives. Should I get free coffee for that? Nah, probably not.

I hate war and everything surrounding it. When these troops we are supposed to be supporting signed up for the military, did they not know they could be deployed or were they just looking for an easy paycheck, hoping war would never knock on our doors? Whatever. I would personally send cases of coffee or chocolate, or hell, I'd even send some good old fashioned porn to any troops or military personnel who decided to take thier happy asses down to New Orleans and work on the damage and chaos created by Katrina.

A military for peace is what we need. And those troops, I'm sure, would rather go to work, get the job done and return, rather than beg the Americans who don't agree with thier line of work, for free stuff.

Troops, make your requests to the people that love and support you. Don't send out global messages to corporations and cry and moan when we use our right as Americans to decide whether we want to support you or not.

Just for the record. I do support a troop. Not a militia, just a single soldier. I have been raising his daughter for the past 16 years without any help. Yeah, I get child support, directly from the military, not from him. So I will continue to support this soldier, but that's all my little plate can handle.

No, I will not boycott Starbucks, hell, I don't even know if this blog was true. But it sure did get my coffee brewing this morning. We are Americans and we are free to make our own choices. I choose peace.

Fuzziness is security

2006-11-13T08:27:00.000-05:00

I love my walls. Not the walls in my apartment, the walls around my little comfort zone.

I have thought recently they might be getting in the way. Nah, probably not. I did put them there for a reason, no matter how distant that reason seems to be now. Regardless, the walls are there and they ain't coming down. My walls are like a fuzzy baby blanket. Sometimes my toes will poke through and the coolness I feel is enough to make me curl right back up under the security of it's fuzziness...

Which is the lesser evil?

2006-11-02T19:27:00.000-05:00

I will be so happy when the dang elections are over.

I just found out how much money these morons (Ford and Coker, both) have spent on their "advertising". Ford: 14 million; Coker: 10.5 million. Folks, that's dollars we're talking about. Not cookies, not moon pies, dollars.

Surely Coker doesn't really think just because he claims to have helped restructure Chattanooga by providing housing (yeah right) that all the dough he (or his supporters) have spent talking trash about Ford could have been used to better the rest of Tennessee. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not happy with Ford, either.

You want my vote, here's the deal:

Drive around the metropolitan downtown areas in Tennessee. Drive around the rural Appalachian communities that don't even have running water. Restructure these areas. Let no one be homeless or hungry. Solve this not by providing welfare, but by raising minimum wage to a rate that single parents can actually live with. Take your supporter's contributions and provide quality childcare facilities not run by government employees. Pay the folks who have provided family owned childcare an amount that you, the candidate, could live on.

I think about the total amount spent on the advertising alone, a total of over 24 million dollars. To me, that is an insane amount of money.

I started working on my 16th birthday and I've never stopped. I have two children and the only government help I received was by way of military provided insurance at the birth of my first child. I have not felt any of the positive effects either candidate brags about. Although I am by far, not a patriotic person, I am a law abiding citizen. I wonder how many folks living in Coker's welfare housing have warrants against them...

It sickens me each time one of those rancid commercials airs. But it breaks my heart to know it's not getting any better. With this election brings more dishonesty and corruption right into our very own state. The Tennessee my children will grow to experience will be one of meth labs and even more corrupt politians.

Ooooooo.....Scary....

2006-10-30T08:59:00.000-05:00

Mark on Keys
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Oh the weekend....Jenna and the Joneses played the annual party at Coyote Joe's on Saturday. There were scary costumes and funny ones, too. We had a great time. I love it how when people put on costumes they tend to loose all inhibitions. The freaks become super freaky and the closet freaks loose all control.

I was in great company and the music was awesome. I know I have said it a thousand times, but as always, Jenna took me to church. That group of musicians never cease to amaze me. It's cleansing, I tell ya.

Lulu got a new sweater

2006-10-22T21:57:00.000-05:00

Lulu got a new sweater
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Pretty baby girl. She is getting a new pal soon. That should be interesting.

Downtown Asheville

2006-10-22T21:51:00.000-05:00

Downtown Asheville
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I love Asheville. We had a blast even though our visit was super short.

Charlotte Avenue

2006-10-22T21:49:00.000-05:00

Charlotte Avenue
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Okay Melissah, help me out with this one...

This is a gorgeous apartment complex on Charlotte in Asheville. I think Grace Kelly stayed here while she was filming a movie in Asheville.

Street Performer

2006-10-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

Street Performer
Originally uploaded by tink927.

This dude was finishing up for the day when we ran into him. They absolutely won't speak unless you pay them. Crazy hookers.

pretty Street Performer

2006-10-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

pretty Street Performer
Originally uploaded by tink927.

We went to Asheville this weekend. As always, I fell in love with every street performer I saw.

bee on sunflower

2006-10-15T23:08:00.000-05:00

bee on sunflower
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I really wanted to wander around in the field. But there were bees everywhere.

sunflowers

2006-10-15T23:07:00.000-05:00

sunflowers
Originally uploaded by tink927.

There was a field of sunflowers at the corn maze. I would love to do that for a living. It did make me a little sad that they were letting people cut them and buy them.

corn

2006-10-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

corn
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Just corn. Lots of corn.

corn roots

2006-10-15T23:03:00.000-05:00

corn roots
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I have never really seen the roots on some corn. It totally creeped me out.

vicki in corn

2006-10-15T23:02:00.000-05:00

vicki in corn
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Children in the Corn

Corn Maze

2006-10-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

parker in corn2
Originally uploaded by tink927.

On Saturday afternoon, we went to a corn maze. I can't believe I actually paid money to get lost in corn. I have spent every summer of my entire life trying to stay out of the garden. WtF?

Tiger Chalk Art

2006-10-15T22:58:00.000-05:00

Tiger Chalk Art
Originally uploaded by tink927.

The shadows were tough, but I just loved his green eyes.

dolphins and shadows

2006-10-15T22:57:00.000-05:00

5yr old Chalk Art
Originally uploaded by tink927.

The little artist here is about 6 yearrs old. The whole picture looks real "anime." It made me want to draw a big Hello Kitty.

She's got to be a fairy...look at those shoes

2006-10-15T22:54:00.000-05:00

Sidewalk Art
Originally uploaded by tink927.

This was the only square that was finished. I love the shading around the starts and planets.

Sidewalk Chalk Art Festival

2006-10-15T22:52:00.000-05:00

Sidewalk Art at Roane State
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Saturday morning we went to the art festival at Roane State Comm. College, here in Oak Ridge. We got there really early, so a lot of the artists had just started their drawings. Each square was about 4' by 4'. It was about 55 degrees. I felt sorry for the folks whose squares were in the shade, but it felt really nice out in the sun.

It's about that time...

2006-09-25T19:40:00.000-05:00

eddie and the rat
Originally uploaded by tink927.

Yep, my brother's been gone for almost 2 years and days like today, it feels like an eternity. I still talk to the crazy booger all the time and miss him more every day.

I feel lucky to have the special memories we made together and feel blessed for the lessons I learned following his death. It's not like bad country music lyrics, I don't choose to live like I'm dying, but I sure don't waste time worrying about this and that, wishing I had more or hating anyone or anything for any reason. I live like I'm alive. In a way, I'm living for him. I know that sounds crazy, but really, when I hear a super bluesy tune, I love it for both of us. When I take a cool picture, I take it for both of us. When I hear MC Hammer, I dance like a retard for both of us. Every roller coaster I ride, he rides with me. Every beautiful building I see has his spirit in the details.

His widow often tells me how it drove him crazy watching me make the same mistakes he made (which I definately have.) I hope he can see how much I learned from him, in his life on earth and his life now.

I'm an Emo Bear

2006-08-31T22:56:00.000-05:00

bear
Originally uploaded by tink927.

You know the old saying, "the straw that broke the camel's back?" Well...it feels like the whole goddamn haystack has landed on me today.

I feel super emo, almost mad at the world and I can't put my finger on exactly what the hell's going on in my peabrain....and that makes me think...never a good thing. I begin to over analyze every little detail in my life...again, never a good thing....

I even told a woman at my son's first grade parent orientation, she was a lard ass. Granted I didn't use those words precisely, I'm sure she thought twice about having that 3rd bowl of ice cream after she finished her bucket of chicken at supper. She was my haystack.

To explain the picture: I want to be adopted. I want someone to look after my well-being as I care for those in my life. I want to come home to a clean litter box in a house where the digital cable is working, damn it. I want washer and dryer hook-ups with no crazy asian neighbors jumping on the bed upstairs.

Most of the things on my want list have solutions that aren't difficult to find. Get another job, find another place to live, adopt a third world child to do the chores....pretty easy to achieve, I know. Just marry Brad Pitt and move to Africa. Oh wait, that's already taken...

why...

2006-08-18T08:48:00.000-05:00

why...
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I have recently been dealing with girls who are self-destructive. This gives me a headache. I have been one of those girls and learned from it, no regrets. My daughter has watched me and now, watches the girls in my life live in a self-destructive relationship. She is learning from others mistakes.

Do not date/live with/marry a moron who is insulting to your intellect. Period. I rarely ever make gender encompassing assumptions, but I will today.

Women are blessed with instict, and yet we ignore that instinct. It is our inner guide and should be listened to with both ears, head and heart. Even if we don't like the direction it's sending us.

Bele Chere

2006-08-01T07:57:00.000-05:00

mayfels
Originally uploaded by tink927.

What an amazing weekend! Vicki and I went to Bele Chere, in Asheville, NC, with my sister-in-law.

We shopped at all the artist's booths, ate some delicious food and the adults drank some lovely beverages, in mass quantity. Vicki said we were well behaved, but some of her photos indicate otherwise.

Asheville has an exciting air about it. The city is very accepting of any type of lifestyle. What a pleasant change to the stuffy folks around here. I can't imagine a same sex couple holding hands, casually shopping in Turkey Creek. We would see articles in the Farragut newspaper about that for sure.

My sis was a superb hostess and the visit with Lulu was looooong overdue. Lulu even slept with us the first night. Yay! My brother spirit was heavy around me most of the trip. Although I did consume a small pond of Vodka, I kept hearing Eddie, even before the buzz caught me. Miss and I talked about how being with each other keeps him alive for both of us. No statement has ever been more true.

Quote for the day: "Matt, can we get another Mayfelade?"

Sonny

2006-07-20T09:46:00.000-05:00

Sonny
Originally uploaded by tink927.

My friend, Sonny, passed away yesterday. He had a massive heart attack on his way to work.

Sonny was very quirky and unique. I am sure everyone he worked with will miss him in the same quirky and unique ways.

girl fight

2006-07-13T14:16:00.000-05:00

girl fight
Originally uploaded by tink927.

There was a tiny outbreak in front of the Starbucks in Vancover, WA. We thought, "What the hell, the lesbians are already mad at us."

disclaimer: No animals were hurt during the photo shoot

Act like you love each other....

2006-07-07T10:30:00.000-05:00

Cape Meares
Originally uploaded by tink927.

The colors of the water was breathtaking. Photos simply don't do it justice.

The water was freezing. Penguins make a home here in the winter months.

Sweet Jelli Donuts

2006-07-07T09:48:00.000-05:00

Awww. I love that crazy chickadee. If laughter is good for what ails ya...I am a heathly girl.

Our vacation in Portland was amazing. Lil' llama and I have been vacationing in Disney for so long. It's easy to lose sight of the beauty of nature.

We travelled around like crazy people, non-stop, each of us taking pictures like it was the first time we had ever left the house and the last time we would ever be together.

The Girls

2006-05-15T08:26:00.000-05:00

Mimi's Cafe
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I love lil' llama! We had a blast at Mimi's Cafe.

The weekend was great, filled with super good music by Jenna and the Joneses. I just never get tired of seeing those folks. World Grotto on June 3rd, totally rocks.

I think I watched about a zillion movies this weekend. I'm still trying to recover from the lack of sleep. But it was quality time well spent.

I made lemonade...

2006-05-13T11:42:00.000-05:00

portland
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I am sooooo going to Portland, Oregon. My sweetest boobie is flying the lil' llama and me out for vacation. Lots of fun and smooches! It will be just a fabulous trip, I know! Vicki is so excited. We've been having random Portland seizures since yesterday.

I have spent some time living in Cali, but I never had the opportuniity to travel to North Cali, much less Oregon. I thrilled, so just deal with it! I'm even more excited to play catch up with Boobie. I love the little treats life brings you from time to time. Meeting special little folks that become a part of your life. Dang it, I love that crazy boob. Let's don't even bring up the subject of quality time with jt. Aye, Chihuahua. Oops, made some more lemonade.

Yeah, I'm okay....

2006-04-14T07:14:00.000-05:00

Okay. Tonight I was in a car wreck. Please refer to Subject line now.

This crazy drunk driver crossed over into my lane on Edgemoor, in front of the steam plant. Then the creep drove off. The coppers found his vehicle before I left the scene. I dont' know if they found the driver, or not. I keep typing the details of what happened, over and over, erasing every time. I guess I'm a little more freaked out as the reality of it all sets into my brain.

My car is trashed, I wouldn't be surprised if it's totaled. That sucks. My little car would have been a year old to me next week.

It's kinda crazy. I'm not really mad at all. I feel very thankful to walk away from something so insane. So many others aren't so lucky.

Vicki skates

2006-04-10T18:39:00.000-05:00

vicki skates
Originally uploaded by tink927.

She's no poser! Lil' llama got a skateboard for her birthday. The times have been exciting.

I thought I might be a little more emotional, with it being the big 16 and all, but I think I was too exicted for her to even think about how I felt. Now that the big day has come and gone, I feel pretty dang old.

Black Dog

2006-04-06T07:31:00.000-05:00

Eddie
Originally uploaded by tink927.

My little black dog is gone today. Blackie Bruce left us at 1:45 am.

Blackie actually belongs to my sister-in-law, but I am the officially doggie sitter for her. Whenever Miss and my brother would take Lil' llama on vacation, I would keep the sweet babies. I don't think I ever envied one trip due to the unconditional love that was showered on me, while they were gone.

Blackie always gave the best licks! Not just little pecks of a lick, but the kind that go from the bottom of your jaw, clear up to your forehead.

I am finding an odd comfort in the fact that my bro is with better company now, but damn, I miss that crazy dog.

Clouds for Boobie!

2006-03-28T20:49:00.000-05:00

Sweet Boobie! The clouds were so pretty today. It made me think of my friend, Boobie.

You know how a certain smell, breeze, song, lots of different, random moments can completly transport you to a spot in your memory where, for just a second, you relive a certain event, but only for a second. A Deja Vu of sorts, but not quite.

The smell of cotton candy takes me back to the local rollerskating rink, when I was 10. I know everytime I smell this food, I will instantly go back, again for just a second. Good Times. I have always called these sweet moments "LifeSavers" (like the candy). I'm not sure how they got this name, it's just always stuck.

I can't even commit to an area rug....

2006-03-15T12:18:00.000-05:00

the buddha
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I am going to a wedding this weekend. Yeah, yeah. The ceremony will be a drag, but the reception should be a good time. My bestest friend of 30+ years is getting married. I don't get to see her very often so, I am all a twitter about getting to hang out before the big event.

I can't even make myself commit on an area rug for my living room, much less a significant other. Which got me thinking....I am letting the good fellas go by? I have known a few, missed opportunities, and sometimes wondered if I screwed up by letting that one go. Or does that fall into the whole "fate" category, you know, if it should be, it will?

I am confused...wait, maybe I'm not...

2006-03-09T08:54:00.000-05:00

This is a picture by Freud, titled Confused.

This is soooo how I feel. Maybe it's the change of seasons.

I think I am in need of a change. My seasons need changing. More than just a hair cut and color. A real change. I am having my carpets cleaned today, but I don't think that's enough. Good change, yes. Enough change, no.

I got a phone call at 4:30am today. No caller ID available, it showed up as "private." There is only one lunatic who comes to mind when this happens. Thoughts of him take my mind to a bad place. No promise or bargain could ever make me return to this place. But still, this horrible dark memory exists in my mind. If nothing else, it serves as a reminder of the personality I never want in my life, ever. Hence, single girl, not even looking.

So...I need change. maybe clarity is a better word to use to describe this desire. Okay, I need clarity. A friend says I need a good tire rotation. That could very well be true.

Events in my life are causing me to think to seriously. Those who know me, know I enjoy giving unnecessary thought to random ideas. So today, I will be confused and in need of clarity.

spring fever =- total random thoughts

2006-02-27T22:02:00.000-05:00

I've got spring fever. I want a yard. The balcony was bad enough last spring, I can already tell this year will be equally as unsatisfying.

A line from a random movie I watched tonight: It is better to feel too much, than not enough. Okay, I am sure someone, somewhere, said it better than Bruce Willis or whoever that actor was...anyway....It made me wonder. I'm still not sure if I agree or not.

Today there will be no quote. I have had a very strange image that keeps popping up in my sick mind, so I will post a thought for the day

Thought for the day: Midgets wearing makeup

I want to scream

2006-02-23T10:47:00.000-05:00

I need a Disney trip, really bad. My job is a little nerve racking, right now. The weather is going from snow one day to the 60 degrees the next. My hair is getting more gray every day. George Bush is a moron. I miss my brother. Dating sucks (but we've already covered that.)

Okay, so now what? I don't think there is enough SoCo in the whole wide world to fix this. Nope, not even retail therapy can help. Well, a new Coach bag might make a girl smile a little. But for the most part, I am frazzled. The little peon computer geek I work with is being a complete booger. But that's really nothing new. He is always an ass.

So, this weekend, I will party. Not the drinking, smoking, kind of party. A real party. I am going to a birthday party at the "blow up jumpy" place. Yes, I will post pictures. I know it will be a fun time. Jumping around in a blow up house. Yee-effin-haw!!

It snowed!!

2006-02-19T22:36:00.000-05:00

It snowed this weekend. Nothing sticking to the roads, just the eperfect white stuff for snowballs. Yeah, I lost. Duh. We hit up the malls and did some shopping. The dang malls were packed. Hot Topic was full of creepy gothic kids. I love my normal kids.

Scaring me...

2006-02-15T22:51:00.000-05:00

This picture totally freaks me out! Isn't there a phobia out there for this, Dali? I don't like hanging around those plastic people at the mall, either.

The end is near

2006-02-09T21:56:00.000-05:00

Lil' llama's last ball game is tomorrow. Thank Dali!!!!

As any proud mother would, I love to see my child perform. She has been in show choir, along with years of cheerleading. I absolutely adore watching her "live - in action."

IT'S THE BITCH ASS MOTHERS THAT I CAN'T STAND. I have endured endless hours of meaningless chit-chat, while I have paid good money to watch a game and my child. And that's the "good" moms. You know, the ones that will actually speak to me. Then there's that other group of moms. The pretentious, stuck-up, overweight, bad hair dye...I could go on forever. They only speak when it's convenient to them, when no one else is around, or they need something from you.

Tonight I had a bad experience. (Ya think?) There is this one mom, in particular. I have no use for this woman whatsoever. Wouldn't even piss on her if she was on fire. She has been nothing but rude to me in the past. Tonight, for some strange reason, she decided she would try to chum up with me. Ain't happenin' skank. I wasn't very warm to her advances. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't crude or anything like that, I just wasn't taking her bait. Like I said, no use for her.

Well, I guess my "attitude" didn't go over to well with her, because she complained to the coach that "Vicki's mom sure is mad tonight" WTF??? Those who know me...well, if I am mad, there is no question about it. There will be no need to inform someone else, cause everyone around will know.

With every ounce of southern charm inside me, I let her know (by loudly explaining behind her back) "I'm not mad, I just don't like that fat ass."

I think I got my point across. If I didn't, who cares. The last game is tomorrow. I will never have to deal with this mother again. My problem is solved. Her problem still exists. She will be ugly until the day she dies.

2006-01-26T16:14:00.000-05:00

I have been neglecting my quotes at the end of each blog, so today I will send out a good quote.

All truths wait in all things. They neither hasten their own delivery nor resist it. They do not need the obstectric forceps of a surgeon...Logic and sermons never convince, The damp of the night drives deeper into my soul (only what proves itself to every man and womas is so, only what nobody denies is so.) - Walt Whitman, Leaves of Green

At the Bux

2006-01-20T20:14:00.000-05:00

Parker's First Hot Chocolate

Destiny and Fate

2006-01-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

Do you believe there is, somewhere out there, a true soul mate for each and every person? Does everything happen for a reason?

I have always believed the people in your life fall into two categories: phases and parts. Both categories are equally important and self-explanitory. But sometime hard to distinguish. It seems too often those who are just phases in our life are those same people we want to be a part of our life and vice versa.

Recently, I have decided nothing is actually a part of your life. Nothing is forever. If something is a part of your life, that something/someone would be with you forever. Nah, doesn't seem to happen that way. The people we love can't be with us forever.

Back to the topic at hand...Should we search for our sole mate, should he/she exsist, or if it is destiny, will we meet that person without the search? Is a sole mate supposed to be a mate in the traditional sense, i.e. spouse, boyfriend, etc. Or can this person just be a best friend (gender unspecific?)

Hells Yes!

2006-01-11T19:37:00.000-05:00

I attended my first (and last) monster truck rally this weekend, in Knoxville. Oh mah gawd. I chose this picture because you can see the dude sitting in front of us, cheering on the truck. There was much laughter that day. I think they schedule these rallies during the winter as not to interefere with NASCAR season. Oh, the camaflouge abounds. Lots of grown men showing there support for Big Foot (yes, I actually saw that one, in person.) Even more grown men showing their non-dying love for Dale Earnhardt (R.I.P. #3)

What a day, indeed.

Quote for the day: "Git 'er done" - Larry, the cable guy

Birth Control or just a damn good time

2006-01-02T21:17:00.000-05:00

For those who do not want/have/like children...next blog, please...

This is a normal trip to Wal-mart with my kids. They must test everything. It's not quite Revenge of the Sith, but close. The little one even talked me into buying the red light saber (he calls it a life saver.) We had to make him promise not to whack his sister with it. Yeah, right.

These goof balls are the greatest products of my life. Yes, they act just like their mom, especially the big girl. I don't think she could possibly be anymore like me if we were twins. They make every day of my life seem somewhat worth all the other shit out there. Big girl keeps me in line. Little guy loves me unconditionally. What else could anyone possibly need.

Quote for the day: "This is how we do it..." - Lil' llama during Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit

Dead time & the Boston Terrier

2005-12-29T18:14:00.000-05:00

I dispise the days between Christmas and New Year. The days really seem to drag on endlessly.

Since I haven't been dating much (at all) lately, I guess I will be hooping it up on New Year's eve with the best date ever. Lil' llama is a great companion. I don't even have to fix my hair (or shave my legs.) But, I am afraid I am getting way to comfortable with this. I resort to having fun, hanging out with her, rather than going out and trying to find that dream boat we all know really doesn't exist anyway. Well, maybe he does exist, but going through all the losers to find him is quite exhausting.

The handsome fella in the picture is Blackie Bruce. He belongs to my sister-in-law and late brother. What a hottie. He was bred with quite a bit of Mississippi leg hound and as the littlest of llamas likes to say, "Blackie likes to dance" (on everyone's leg.) Lately, he's been doing a new trick of sneaking up on your foot and trying to slidein a little action. I think he thinks it's foreplay. Still, he is my favorite little puppy in the whole world.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Be careful on New Year's as we all know, it's amateur night.

Quote for the day: "A dream is a wish your heart makes." - Cinderella

It's about damn time...

2005-12-21T23:36:00.000-05:00

I haven't been dating lately, so there's not been too much blogging material coming my way.

Today, finally, I will blog.

Lil' Llama wants to go to Italy. The topic keeps popping up around me. I have been encouraged to go by friends and family. Yeah, pretty f**king cool. Vic wants to go for her Senior Trip. Oh hell, it's really happening. She's going to graduate in 2008. Class of 2008. The whole thing scares the shit out of me.

The picture of Italy makes me feel better.

Quote for the day: "I brought squeeze cheeze" - Big "D" employee

ORHS censorship

2005-11-30T19:35:00.000-05:00

I have tried to stay away from my political opinions on my blog. The recent events at ORHS (my alma mater) has made this impossible.

Tonight, my daughter brought home the censored issue. I have attached, below my letter to the school superintendant:

I am sure you have been overwhelmed with emails, phone calls, etc regarding the infamous recent Oak Leaf censorship. As many others, I have some questions/comments.

As a parent and former graduate of ORHS (class of '89), your comment regarding "not hiding things from parents" has me troubled and slightly confused...Why is it that the newspaper is only given to students, and not sent in the mail to all parents of students, like the PTA information?

Student newspapers contain the information necessary to assist parents in keeping communication open between parent and child. It gives the parent a window into the child's social activities and provides topics for interesting discussion.

PTA news letters do nothing more than reiterate to the snob parents of ORHS students where thier money has been spent and where to donate more.

If the newspapers were sent to the home, the parents would then have the opportunity to place censorship upon their child. In the end, isn't it the parent that possesses this right in the first place?

I am a young mother of a 15-year old daughter. I would much rather have her informed on her birth control choices, rather than her options for tacky tattoo locations. Please don't misunderstand me, I have a tattoo, and have taken my daughter to a tattoo parlor. By allowing the tattoo article, you have now glamorized body art. What are you thinking? I promise you, there are more ORHS students having sex than getting tattoos.

These students are our future, your future. Protect them by allowing their peers to educating them on important subjects. Yes, a tattoo will remain on a body forever, it can impose challenges in the work field and sometimes cause infections, but an unwanted pregnancy does much greater damage.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I don't expect a response, as I am one of "those" parents that doesn't quite meet the social standard so important to the ORHS staff.

Oak Ridge never ceases to amaze me. The city and it's officials have now claimed position as second to the whitest town in America. The southern baptist intellect, coupled with the ignorance that occurs when those without children, teach children, scares me and infuriates me at the same time. Maybe "No child left behind," should be changed to "School officials left behind."

Quote for the day: "My opinion is, if you're going to have sex, then be safe. There are so many things out there that can keep you safe." - Krystal Meyers, Oak Leaf Reporter

Crash & Burn

2005-11-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

Another one bites the dust. I hate cheap dates. I'm not too fond of cheap people, in general, but cheap dates really piss me off.

Don't misunderstand me, a dutch date is cool with friends, or after you have been with someone for a significant period of time. But what amount of time is significant? For that matter, when does a relationship upgrade from "we went on a date," to "we're dating." One month, two months, WTF?

It all goes back to that whole label thing that I dispise more than cheap dates. It's like, "What's that, something sticky, damn it's a label." Time to run off yet another one.

I have always preferred to date younger guys. Legal, but still younger. I have never put much thought into exactly why until recently. Two dates with two different guys my age, and I have found out why. Guys my age want to get married. Once again, WTF? I love being single. I am the poster child of the runaway bride. Let me quote the precious little Stewart, "I don't wanna!" Dali - Bora Bora just keeps looking better. No fat M, no single middle-aged goofballs, just the sand, surf and a pretty little umbrella drink. And of course, we'll go dutch.

The last lunch...

2005-10-28T22:03:00.000-05:00

TGIF! I had lunch with Boobie2 today. It's the last meal with my bud for a while. Looks like I'll be making a trip to Syracuse in the future. I love Johnny Corino's. Good italian food, excellent company. I had a lovely day away from work. It's kinda crazy, I didn't even miss the place. I usually fret about taking time off, I hate putting my responsibilities onto someone else. But today was a little different.

Lil' llama was out of school for Fall Break today. We had a great time, hanging out, chatting about random teenage bullshit. It's amazing how the youth can keep you young.

Okay, now the serious stuff...

Am I a narcissist? I have read this word over and over the past few days. I have pondered this question all evening. Yeah, sure, vanity is one of my strongest personality traits. But narcissism? I think that may be a little drastic. If the most common trait of this disorder is caring only for yourself, without regard to consequences or the feelings of others, than count me out. I think I constantly put the feelings of others, especially my children, way ahead of my own. Realistically, I could give a shit less about the folks in line with me at Wal-Mart, but I often help the old folks in the parking lot put away their buggies.

My parents are the most selfless people I know. They would do anything for anyone. I guess that's reverse narcissism. (I don't feel like looking up the exact term for that disorder.) I spent four years in a relationship, giving the other person everything, and getting nothing in return. Fuck that. I never want to be that person again, ever. It's that old saying, "looking out for number one." If I have learned on thing in the past 34 years (gasp) it's this: No one, but no one will evere take care of me, but me. I teach my daughter the same thing. If that makes me a narcissist, than go ahead, give me that label, and I will wear it proudly. It beats the hell out of wearing your heart on your sleeve and getting screwed by everyone around you.

Quote for the day: "The old dreams were good dreams. They didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them." - Clint Eastwood, Bridges of Madison County

WTF?

2005-10-23T21:08:00.000-05:00

I love Sunday hangovers. Today's blog is brought to you by Southern Comfort and my random thoughts and questions.

1) Why did I take that last shot?

2) There are no guarantees in relationships.

3) Is malice necessarily bad?

4) In microwave popcorn, why don't all of the kernels pop? Even if you burn the bag until your whole house stinks, there's still unpopped kernels in the bottom of the bag.

5) I want to be a Fairy God Mother.

6) When something smells bad, why do we hand it someone else to smell?

7) Sunday, June 5, 2005 is Gay Day at the Magic Kingdom. Heck, yes.

Ok, enough babbling. My weekend was way, way, way, too odd to blog. Dali, I need guidance. Please take me with you on Thursday. Strange things are afoot.

An old friend is getting married. Once again, I am proving the theory, "Those that do not wed, plan." Yes, I am planning yet another wedding. Making ridiculus plans for a bride that thinks she is the only person to ever have a wedding (even though this will be her second big day.) We spent the bigger part of Friday evening looking at wedding dresses. YUCK! I would rather spend the same amount of money on those yummy Jimmy Choo's in my new Elle mag.

Quote for the day: "Rub my belly and tell me I'm pretty." - Kitty in the picture.

People Watching 101

2005-10-16T22:02:00.000-05:00

Check out this dude! Does Santa ride a Harley? I spent most of the day Saturday, listening to live music at Smoky Mountain Harley Davidson, in Maryville. The music was superb, as usual when Jenna and the Joneses take the stage. Jenna sang her rendition of "Angel from Montgomery," an old John Prine song, and one of my favorites. I love that girl. I am a groupie, I must admit. The Coronas were lovely and the perfect beverage for the beautiful, almost fall, day.

I love any opportunity to watch folks gather, especially if alcohol is involved. Mariemon, I thought of you, as most of the peeps were wearing chaps. Go 'head girl, go 'head, get down.

I used to sling beers in a biker bar. Do not judge these people. I have never met anyone as warm hearted and generous. I guess there's a little mad dog biker chick inside me. The hard-core riders represent, to me, a sense of freedom that goes along with riding a motorcycle. they refuse to conform to society rules and regulations. Little llama still gets quite a kick out out of watching them in action.

Quote for the day: "A buzzard's got to eat, same as the worm." Clint Eastwood, Outlaw Josey Wales

Meet the Radioactive Llamas!

2005-10-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

Today, I must talk about the llamas. I belong to a group called "Radioactive Llamas." I am one of two senior branch members. The rest of the members are high school students. My daughter and her friends started this group in tribute to a friend that moved to Los Angelos.

As a group, we don't really do much, we occasionally boycott stupid things, like mulch. We don't like the way it smells, and as some of you might know, we love to smell things.

My official title is Llama Mama. Only members can refer to me by my title. The rest of you may call me Kitten.

I will try to keep everyone updated on the latest boycotts.

Quote for the day: "Why don't the presidents fight the war?" - System of a Down

2005-10-12T20:23:00.000-05:00

Popcorn chicken disturbs me. I believe they are chicken butts.

Quote for the day: "The sea monkeys stole my money." - Dory, Finding Nemo

Eddie

2005-10-06T17:35:00.000-05:00

Eddie
Originally uploaded by tink927.

My brother has been dead for 1 year, today. This blog is a tribute to him. Eddie taught me most of what I know about music. We shared a love for a lot of the same musicians. He loved Jimi Hendrix, they even shared the same birthday (November 27.)

I keep writing this blog, then deleting what I've typed. What can you say to someone who can't even hear you. I can't type my emotions today.

I'll post these lyrics and send them out to wherever his spirit's lingering tonight...

After all the jacks are in their boxes,
and the clowns have all gone to bed,
you can hear happiness staggering on down the street,
footprints dressed in red.

And the wind whispers Mary.

A broom is drearily sweeping
up the broken pieces of yesterday's life.
Somewhere a Queen is weeping,
somewhere a King has no wife.

And the wind cries Mary.

The traffic lights they turn blue tomorrow
and shine their emptiness down on my bed,
The tiny island sags downstream
Cause the life that they lived is dead.

And the wind screams Mary.

Will the wind ever remember
The names it has blown in the past,
And with this crutch, its old age and its wisdom
It whispers, "No, this will be the last."

And the wind cries Mary.

Pumpkin Fest 001

2005-10-02T18:16:00.000-05:00

Pumpkin Fest 001
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I met Barney Fife this weekend. He was really just an impersonator, but it got me thinkin' (oh, shit)...

Do people that make a living and hence spend their life imitating other people have their own personality, or do they become almost obsessed with becoming someone they are not. I also wonder, do these people imitate because they look like someone, or because they admire someone?

I have one of those faces. I get asked at least once a week, "You look just like so and so." I have even been approached by people in other cities, theme parks, etc. "Oh, my god, you look just like my cousin." I like to think, no, they look like me. Is there really such a thing as a dopple ganger (evil/nice twin?)

Quote for the day: "Nip it, Nip it in the bud." - Barney Fife

Vegas souvenir

2005-09-29T21:12:00.000-05:00

bran 001
Originally uploaded by tink927.

My brother went to Vegas for his honeymoon and all I got was this lousy lighter. Actually, it's really pretty cool. A green flame shoots out of it's middle finger, while a chip inside says, "F**k you, F**k you."

I guess a good shot of Southern Comfort makes anything funny.

bran snacks

2005-09-29T20:50:00.000-05:00

bran 002
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I miss my friend. She eats bran and hummus. She makes me laugh. She found a special barista just for me. Love Her!!

Quote for the day: Some people are like slinkies, they aren't good for much, but they make you laugh when you push them down a flight of stairs. - Unknown

I need a Disney fix

2005-09-25T14:06:00.000-05:00

stitch
Originally uploaded by tink927.

I need Disney. Plain and simple. I need the escape from reality. I want to hang out with Stitch. Nothing compares to hanging out with the characters. (Although I was recently told they aren't real, it's just people dressed up in costumes.) I refuse to believe that Goofy really isn't Goofy. I need a Dole Whip. I want to drink myself around the World Showcase. mmm...lemoncello...

Quote for the day: Por favor mantengerse al lado de las puertas...

It put the ugh in ugly..

2005-09-23T18:18:00.000-05:00

ugggly 002
Originally uploaded by tink927.

What is the maximum density of this vehicle?

Quote for the day: If it smells like soco, drink it!

We're just friends...

2005-09-19T22:33:00.000-05:00

Is friendship between a male and female (without sex) possible? I truly want to believe it is, but the dudes keep proving me wrong. I mean a real friendship, not the one-sided type, where one is secretly suppressing feelings about the other.

I have a buddy (male) whom I consider one of my dearest friends(no sex involved.) But why can't I have more than one?! I like guys. I like hanging out with guys. Most of all I like going places with guy-friends because it tends to keep the general losers away. I wish I had more gay male friends! Talk about the best of all worlds!

I hate dating! I hate getting ready for a date. I hate going out to eat on a date. I hate it when a date opens doors for me and all that other bull shit that you know isn't a real behavior. It's all just an act.

I realize tonight's post is mostly the chaotic rambling of a somewhat broken soul, but I think I just needed to get that off my chest.

Quote for the day: We are the music makers, the dreamers of dreams. - Willie Wonka

Teenage overload

2005-09-18T22:16:00.000-05:00

I have officially reached teenage overload. My daughter, who is 15, had some friends over this weekend for a birthday party (co-ed.)

After listening to conversations ranging from MTV to "My math teacher is so stupid," to "I broke up with Michael because he wanted to have sex,"...It's all way to much for this cool mom to handle. You are now reaching teenage overload.

After all the high school fun, and everyone went home, I decided to partake in a little people watching at a new nightclub. I like checking out the new spots in town, seeing what this or that new bar owner thinks the ideal hot spot should be. We had a great time, drank a little too much, but overall I found it to be quite entertaining. Translation: lots of strange rednecks, mostly fat chicks and married Dale Earnhart, Jr. fans with a yard pass for the evening. If laughter is healthy, I am healed.

Quote for the day: "I don't wanna..." - Stuart, Mad TV

It's been a hella week

2005-09-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

Do the people you work with ever make you want to....so, yeah.

On a different note, I was at the community pool in my apartment complex today, watching the boy without toes on one foot, and I started wondering:

I see the freaks at Wal-mart and other various locations I like to refer to as Darwin's waiting room. I see these freaks with kids. This makes me think, someone actually had to have sex with a freak for this conception to occur. Wow! I'm not getting any but folks like FM are married with children? (If you know FM you understand, if you don't, I can't begin to explain.) Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be married, and I sure as hell don't want any more kids, but a good tire rotation (emphasis on GOOD) every now and then sure couldn't hurt my stress level.

Quote for the day: "Drink up me 'earties, yo ho!" - Capt'n Jack Sparrow

I can't believe I'm a virgin!

2005-09-14T22:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, I have finally given in to the craze and started my very own blog. My friends and co-workers (some of whom fall into both of those categories) have been providing me, through their blogs, an outlet for all types of emotions and I hope I can do the same.

I look forward to many interesting conversations in the future.

Quote for the day: "Even spaghetti is straight until you cook it." Author unknown